A long time ago
My eyes grew cold.
I don’t want control.
I don’t want to be whole.
My debt never repaid
And I’ve gained nothing for it.
I just listen to the story
Of how I have suffered this.
Once I took a look around
And wondered how it wanes
From a brilliant, crimson red
To the pale grey of the waves.
As my father died before me,
I realized the change.
I watched me trading all the pieces
And filled the holes with rage.
It became trivial to suffer
Or to try and enjoy your pain.
My family turned away from me
Because my skin was stained.
The ones who love me oceans away,
Instead I’ll listen to the weeds.
I cannot fathom how to run
Though my hatred still gives chase.
A long time ago
My eyes grew cold.
I don’t want control.
I don’t want to be whole.
I lie to you when you ask
If I love or not.
I can’t feel my hands
Wrapped around my throat.
I lack any questions
Of remorse or fear of sin.
Taken with the warmth
Of true love’s decadence.
I didn’t want to remember me
I didn’t want to know what I could be.
I burned myself with turpentines
And let the demons claim my deeds.
I felt the purity fade out
As I strangled out a dream.
I took the cage I built for me
And I put my loved ones in.
I’ve scarred myself time and again
To change my worthless hide.
I’ve burned myself to see if I
Could feel something inside.
There’s no pain or joy in me,
That’s the price of debt.
I gave away my opsin
So that my sight would be dead.
A long time ago
My eyes grew cold.
I don’t want control.
I don’t want to be whole.
I lie to you when you ask
If I love or not.
I can’t feel my hands
Wrapped around my throat.
I lack any questions
Of remorse or fear of sin.
Taken with the warmth
Of true love’s decadence.
You don’t want to be me,
As childish as that sounds.
Most can’t imagine how it feels
To feel nothing at all.
Look deep into my eyes and question
Is there the soul of a man?
You can lie for yourself,
There’s nothing in me but sand.
So, open your fists
And close both your eyes.
Don’t feel alone
For there is a reprise.
Don’t sell your soul,
It’s just a matter of time.
The opsin within your heart
Still bears a shine.