I’m alive
My fingers caked in dirt.
I can’t remember
Why my lungs still hurt.
The sky is gray
But still burns my bloodshot eyes.
I think I’ve lost something
But I can’t decide.
Was I lost?
My tongue is dry from thirst.
Was I dead?
And buried in the Earth?
There’s a photo here
Sitting atop the trash.
I recognize you
But I don’t know him.

He’s in every photo surrounding me.
He’s in every mirror that I see.
I won’t believe that face is mine,
But who else would destroy my life.

I drink my pain
To silence thoughts of him.
I can’t abstain
From inhaling all my starts and ends.
I can’t deny
I surrendered everything.
I think I’ve loved someone
But I don’t remember when.
I feel a bite.
It digs into my vein.
This part of me.
Rusted steel with blackened grains.
It’ll fold me up
Until there’s nothing left.
I feel him touch you
But I just can’t stop this.

I think I lost you a long time ago.
I think I gave us up to let me go.
I won’t believe that you’ve moved on.
He’s the one who made us all wrong.

So I make believe that you’re not gone.
I make believe you forgave it all.
I close my eyes and hear your whispered words,
The screaming and the yelling.
I make believe that you still hate.
I make believe it’s enough to stay.
I open up and know it never was,
That’s why we walked away.

I start to run.
I believe you’ll catch my hand.
I feel the wind.
I know I’ll see you once again.
The waters cold.
I know where and who I am.
It’s yesterday,
But its too late again.

So I make believe that you’re not gone.
I make believe you forgave it all.
I close my eyes and hear your whispered words,
The screaming and the yelling.
I make believe that you still hate.
I make believe it’s enough to stay.
I open up and know it never was,
That’s why we walked away.

I make believe that you’re not gone.
I make believe you forgave it all.
I close my eyes and hear your whispered words,
The screaming and the yelling.
I make believe that you still hate.
I make believe it’s enough to stay.
I open up and know it never was,
That’s why we walked away.